The Harry Maneuver
“Harry, are you O.K.?”
“Yeah. Why do you ask? “
“That’s the third bath you have taken in two days, and you have been soaking in the tub now for two hours. Are your hemorrhoids bothering you?”
“That’s very nice, darling. I’m sure Archimedes’ wife asked him the same question when he was in his tub, working out his ‘displacement theory.’ Very nice. I appreciate your confidence.”
“Archimedes never married.”
“He was a wise man. I’m coming out now; brace yourself for some good news.” Harry steps out of the tub, water dripping from his body.
“Harry, look at you. Your skin is all wrinkled like a Shar-Pei dog. No more baths for you until your skin tightens.”
“Lois. I think I’ve hit on something great.. Finally, I am on my way to recognition and fame. Listen to this…”
”I’m kind of busy now, Harry.”
Harry as usual, isn’t listening.. “Did you read about the old lady who was stuck in the bathtub for two days, too weak to get out and unable to phone for assistance?”
“That was six weeks ago.”
“Okay, so I’m a little behind in my reading. But listen to this. I have developed a technique that will enable anybody, especially the elderly, to get in out of a bathtub.”
“Harry, people have been getting out of their tubs for 2,000 years.”
“So they have, but we have no way of knowing how many bathers needed assistance.”
” I hope you aren’t going to put any money into an expensive prototype.”
“No, no, this will not cost anything, It will be my contribution to humanity. Believe me, the elderly and infirm will bless me when they are able to bathe without fear.”
“Okay, I’m listening..” “If the old lady who was stuck in the tub for two days had rolled over, got on her hands and knees, standing up would be easier because the center of gravity would work in her favor. This position puts less strain on weak muscles.”
“That’s it? This is going to make you famous?”
“As famous as Heimlich. Don’t underestimate this idea.”
“I’m surprised Archimedes didn’t think of it. All he did was come up with a ‘floating body displaces its own weight.’ He’s probably kicking himself right now for overlooking this boon to humanity. What are you going to do with this ‘maneuver’?”
“I’m not sure how to handle this. I may write it up and send it to the Journal of the American Medical Association or maybe to the AARP.”
“That’s not a bad idea, but give it a rest now. Relax and let your skin tighten up.”
The next morning, Lois awakened by the sound of water running into the tub. She knock on the bathroom door, opening it slowly. “Harry, what are you doing?”
“Last night it occurred to me that if Archimedes and I both came up with brilliant ideas while soaking in a bathtub, then perhaps bathing is conducive to creative thinking. I’m checking that out now.”
“Listen to me carefully, Harry. I want you out of the tub now. If Archimedes is in there with you, I want him out too. Do you hear me?”
“Yes, dear” he meekly responds as he rolls over on his stomach, gets on his knees and flashes a triumphant smile as he stands up.
Leon Berger