ADVENTUROUS COUPLE SEEK MEANING OF SPHERE
ADVENTUROUS COUPLES SEEK PERFECT SPHERE
BY Leon Berger
August 12, 2010:
Two couples, staunch friends and long time residents of Boca Pointe Country Club, embarked on a mission to St. Petersburg, Russia to seek out the reclusive Grigory Perelman, the mathematician who in the year 2003 solved the Poincare conjecture, proving that any three dimensional space without holes is a sphere.
Three years later, in the year 2006, mathematicians throughout the world finally accepted Perelman’s proof and this year, 2010, Dr. Perelman was awarded a $1 million prize which he predictably refused. Grisha, as he is sometimes called, is believed to be secluded in his mother’s house, where she attends to his laundry and cooks his meals.
GENTLEMEN,SINCE NEITHER OF YOU ARE AUTHORIZED TO SPEAK ABOUT YOUR JOURNEY, AT YOUR REQUEST YOUR NAMES ARE BEING WITHHELD. THERE IS THE SUGGESTION THAT YOUR PROPOSED TRIP IS FRAUGHT WITH PERIL. WHAT IS SO DANGEROUS ABOUT YOUR TRIP?
ANSWER: Big money is involved and our adventure will thrust us into an atmosphere where suspicion of Americans is rampant, passports mysteriously disappear and prisoners are fed schav.
DO YOU UNDERSTAND THE IMPORTANCE OF POINCARE’S CONJECTURE?
ABSWER: We do. For those who do not, we suggest they read WIKIPEDIA (‘what is a sphere’). In fact our knowledge of spheres has improved our tennis and golf games. We come in contact with spheres frequently and appreciate the importance Poincare’s work.
DR. PERELMAN IS IN SECLUSION, HIDING OUT IN HIS MOTHER’ HOUSE.. WHAT MAKE YOU THINK, EVEN IF YOU LOCATE THE HOUSE, THAT HE WILL SEE YOU?
ANSWER: We have been dealing with his emissaries and everything is lined up, including a guide to take us to where Grisha is currently residing. He is definitely interested in meeting with us particularly because of our intention to manufacture a complete line of modified sports spheres.
TELL ME ABOUT THE MODIFIED SPORTS SPHERES.
ANSWER: We have blue-prints, calculations and primary models of modified spherical sports paraphernalia. Creating a tunnel in the spheres which extends from pole to pole changes its aerodynamics. When the sphere is in motion, air rushes through the conduit, creating new opportunities for skill and enjoyment. Fortunately the integrity of the sphere is maintained for we have no desire to tamper with forms of nature. Perelman is said to be intrigued by our theory that a 3 dimensional space with a tunnel is still a sphere.
ARE YOU PULLING MY LEG? YOU ARE GOING TO CHALLENGE PERELMAN’S WORK WHICH HAS BEEN SCRIUTINIZED AND ACCEPTED BY THE WORLD’S FINEST MATHEMETICIANS. YOU ARE NOT MATHEMETICIANS OR PHYSICISTS. WHEN DID YOU ARRIVE AT THIS COCKAMAMY THEORY?
ANSWER: Call it a cockamamie theory if you will, but remember they laughed at Galilei . In actuality, we did our brain-storming at a round-table in the Main Lounge, Our detailed business plan assures success, but if Dr. Perelman is not cooperative, we will go to Plan B.
WOULD YOU EXPLAIN PLAN B TO ME?
ANSWER; : Plan B involves a face to face meeting with the governing statesmen of the City of Kiev. We have a recipe for Chicken Kiev that is made without butter and without chicken but with a great flavor that will knock your pants off. The imprimatur of the City is important in our marketing plan.
HOW SOON DO YOU PLAN TO LAUNCH ‘CHICKENLESS KIEV’?
ANSWER: If we get the cooperation of the Mayor of Kiev and if marijuana is legalized in the State of Florida, we will be ready to roll in about 3 months.
I TAKE IT YOU HAVAE SUBMITTED YOUR HYPOTHESIS TO DR. PERELMAN. WHAT WAS HIS REACTION?
ANSWER; Yes, we were able to get our manuscript into his hands and he made a minor correction:
We omitted the accent aigu at the tail end of Dr. Poincare’s name. However he did express interest in
Meeting s and set up a definite appointment.
THANK YOU GENTLEMEN. GOOD LUCK AND BON VOYAGE.
August 23, 2010: The four adventurers have returned from their trip, flushed with excitement and as enthusiastic as ever. Dr. Perelman could not keep our appointment since his clothes were being washed that day and he felt it inappropriate to receive us in his birthday suit. However they did meet his mother who was very charming and who graciously provided permission to use their proprietary method for stuffing blue cheese into martini size olives which she said “…was the greatest discovery since sliced pumpernickel.”