ALMOST A HERO
ALMOST A HERO
By Leon Berger
Flight 727 out of FLL, scheduled to leave at 3:30 p.m. was ‘delayed’’ and Henry had two hours to kill. He soon tired of watching the peculiarities of fellow travelers, amused by their various shapes and bizarre clothing, decided instead to read a story by Roberto Bolano which was featured in the August 8th issue of the “New Yorker.”
Bolano ‘s previous works had fascinated Henry. Having seen his picture on a book jacket, he dressed in a similar fashion: faded blue jeans, bush jacket, dark glasses and a Yankee baseball cap tilted rakishly over a lean face grizzled with a two day stubble. In truth, Henry’s appearance belied his real nature, that of a cautious and introversive husband whose globe trotting was limited to infrequent trips to
The constant bothersome noises in the terminal interfered with Henry’s concentration. He put down the magazine and sat quietly for five minutes, eyes closed. Bored and hungry, he decided to check out the food court. The odors of grilled kielbasa were irresistible. Against his better judgment he ordered the foot long sausage lathered with mustard and relish, counter-balancing the tray with a frosted Bud. Half-way through the meal, the bubbling and growling that issued from deep within his gut attracted the curiosity of fellow travelers within a 10 foot radius.
Two hours later, 15 minutes airborne, uncomfortably settled up front in business class, Henry unbuckled his safety belt and staggered to the lavatory, obtaining immediate but partial relief. As he sat there, he examined the narrow confines of his haven, marveling at the many passenger comforts crowded into the claustrophobic space. The counter and sink were spotless; tissues, towels and soap dispenser were full. “What’s this…?” He shook his head in disbelief for behind the soap dispenser, resting on a tissue, gleaming in the fluorescent light was a full upper denture. “Hard to believe, but some poor schnook is back in his seat without his teeth” Amused, he determined that he would restore the teeth to its rightful owner.
Exiting the lavatory, the wrapped denture in his pocket, Henry approached the Flight Attendant. “Hi. Listen, somebody forgot their denture in the toilet.
Could you make some kind of announcement over the inter-com?”
She stared at him coldly. “No, I can’t do that; it would only embarrass the passenger.”
“Can I leave it with you?”
“No, I have no provision for lost items.”
“Okay, what should I do with it then?”
“You can put the teeth back where you found it or turn it over to Lost and Found when we arrive at O’Hare.”
“I would like to speak to the Captain.”
“That’s not possible. I suggest you go back to your seat; you are creating a disturbance. This is an official warning.”
Henry, momentarily speechless, muttered ‘thank you’ and went back to his seat. The total absurdity of his conversation with the attendant didn’t sit easy with him and the more he rehashed the conversation the more determined he was to return the denture to its owner. It should be quite simple. The owner of the teeth was undoubtedly a male, assuming a female would have checked her appearance before exiting the lavatory. So Henry, despite his intestinal discomfort, decided to undertake the humanitarian task of locating a man with sunken cheeks. With growing excitement at the challenge, Henry stood up. If the attendant didn’t approve, so be it.
First Class was no problem as he scrutinized the occupants who were dozing or involved with their computers. No sunken cheeks. The occupants in Tourist class required more careful scrutiny since the light was dim and passengers more numerous. The cabin noise diminished as the passengers observed Henry working his way up the aisle, examining each male face. The Flight Attendant, chatting with her male counterpart, was unaware of the growing consternation of the passengers.
Row by row, Henry progressed up the aisle and when he reached row 22, he sensed victory for the passenger occupying the window seat, seemingly engrossed in reading a newspaper, had the important criteria he was looking for: sunken cheeks. The man, unkempt and scruffy, continued to read as Henry, a smile on his lips, called out “Sir.”
No response. Henry called out again, louder: “Sir.” The man ignored him and continued to read. Was this man deaf?, The tension in the cabin was palpable as Henry, this time leaning over two cowering passengers, attempted to tap the fellow on the shoulder. Suddenly, unexpectedly, the man jumped up, muttering excitedly as he tried to escape from his seat. Henry, startled, jerked back, tripped over his own feet, fell heavily, hitting his head on the arm rest of the seat across the aisle. The cabin was in an uproar as Henry blacked out.
******************
“Henry, wake up. Wake up, Henry.”
Henry opened his eyes, confused by his surroundings, unable to comprehend why an I.V. drip was attached to his arm. Standing at the foot of his bed, smiling, was a muscular, heavily built stranger.
“Who are you? What is this place?”
“I’m Detective Sommer. You’re in a hospital with a slight concussion. Do you remember what happened?”
Henry closed his eyes; his head hurt.
“Yeah, I think so. I found some false teeth and I was trying to find the owner.” Suddenly, he remembered. “What the hell was wrong with that fellow? His cheeks were sunken.”
Sommers, no longer smiling: “Yeah, that’s the story the attendant told me but I had to hear it from you. The teeth didn’t belong to that gentleman. His cheeks were sunken because he hasn’t had a square meal in two weeks. He bolted because he is an illegal from
No charges were filed against Henry. The airline preferred to drop the matter rather than explain how a passenger with crudely forged documents was able to board the plane as a passenger. The teeth were returned to the airline and Henry’s bush-jacket, wrinkled and soiled, hangs in his closet, suitable attire for the June trip to